HEROIC REALMS

oog - thought you would all be interested in seeing Eliora's thoughts as she wanders around. I'm not really trying to post much of what she's actually doing, just thoughts and such so that you can all see the kind of change she's going through... In other words, this is mostly some of her journal entries while she's gone.

ig - I left the Stronghold this morning. I kind of wonder what people will think when they find me gone. Oh well. Hopefully I'll be able to work out my thoughts now that I've left the Stronghold. It makes sense to me because everything seemed to make sense when she had first arrived in the Stronghold. Then with everything that had happened, nothing seemed to make sense anymore. So, it made sense to leave. Why should I stay in a place that is only confusing me with everything that goes on there.

Smirl should be happy because Stark gave me the black activation sand back. So I can still contact Smirl should anything bad happen. Though, I hope it won't. And, I don't really think it will either. But we'll see.

I learned a new song today. Orogom would be happy. It is his kind of bawdy song. I hope everything is going well back at the Stronghold.

Part of me wonders if maybe I should head home a bit. See my mother and her husband again. And my brothers. But I don't know about that. We'll see.

I've been stopping at different sanctuary's that I've seen. It feels strange not holding an allegiance to any of the deities, but I don't know whom to follow and I certainly have no wish to follow Baniel any more. Maybe I'll just continue to have no allegiance to any. It might be easier. We'll see.

I was heading towards home for awhile and then I stopped and decided against it. I don't want to be back there, even now. My family was great, but the rest of the people around... I don't want to chance it. So I turned around.

I passed a tavern that reminded me of the first tavern Orogom and I stayed at when we went to Trillador. It brought back quite a few memories. I wonder how everyone is doing. Did Cali get the mark removed? Did Stark kill off the drow queen? Did they ever need to use the gold leaf I gave them?

I also got to talk to some clerics lately, specifically a priestess of Driel and a priest of Koralith. I got to thinking about what they said and I decided I definitely don't want to follow Koralith. Justice is relative to a person's morals and beliefs. What a tyrant would call justice isn't what someone else might call justice and so many people acting in the name of Koralith yet having different morals makes it seem so... hypocritical almost. For all we know Koralith's idea of justice is completely different from all of us not in the realm that the gods inhabit. They do inhabit their own realm right? I think so at least.

As for Driel? Well, Driel is interesting to say the least. Love, kindness, friendship. If only others would actually listen to her teachings and act on love and kindness. It certainly is something I'm going to think more on.

Sometimes I wish I could bounce ideas off one of them once in awhile. Not the gods, but the Stronghold people. Then again, everything was too confusing there. I just wish I could find the answers sooner. It is taking much longer than I had hoped and expected.

I am exhausted and completely soaked. It rained last night and I'm glad that I finally found a place to dry off. But it might take awhile. I've been trying for awhile now and I still can't get a fire started. The rain has soaked absolutely everything. No wonder I can't.

I wonder what is going on in the Stronghold. I doubt things have been quiet. They never really are or when they are it only puts everyone on alert because it just isn't normal. I hope no one has gotten seriously hurt. I especially hope none of them have gone to see Vith. I may not want to return but I don't wish any harm upon them at all. They were certainly kinder than anyone I grew up with. Well, most of them were. And the few who weren't? Well they either left or I just left them alone. Then again, there is a tavern in the center of the Stronghold. It could have just been too much ale. That's certainly possible.

I haven't seen any priests lately, though I'm still considering the words spoken by the priestess of Driel. It seems like it might work, but it seems so foreign in this world of ours. Because so many people don't even think of following her. Then there are those who pervert the ideas of friendship and turn it into using another to get what they want. Then there are those who truly believe they love another and yet in that love only hurt the one they love. It might not be on purpose. Or it might supposedly be for their protection, but in the end it is still bringing pain. Then there are so many different kinds of love. Love between family is different between the love of friends which is different than that of a lover. Which love does Driel rule over or is it all of them?

Maybe the more I think about it, Driel dosn't make as much sense as I originally thought. But she still makes more sense than Baniel. I'm going to look for another priest or priestess of Driel and see if I can get answers to some of newest questions.

Why does searching for the answers to some questions only bring about more questions?

I want to go back. To the Stronghold I mean. I really miss everyone. Yet I have still not figured out everything. I still do not know which deity to follow. I still don't understand why the Stronghold raised so many questions to me. It's getting frustrating. Why can't I just figure this out!

Maybe I'll figure it out soon. I'm not going back until I have figured it all out. That's if I go back at all. Yes, that's exactly it.

I want to go home. Wait - let me rephrase that. I want to go back to the Stronghold! Why did I call the Stronghold home? Why do I even want to go back there? There were so many questions that did not make sense to me. I'm not going back.

I talked to a cleric of Laroon and a cleric of Raul today. They seemed to work hand in hand. Every spring Laroon lets everything regrow new in the spring. The new is a Raul thing. Then when things grow and change (another Raul thing) in the late autumn, they die or sleep only to regrow new again. Laroon and Raul work together and keep things in a constant rate of change. It does make sense that people do grow and change. I wandered around for five years before I stopped at the Stronghold. Then for some reason I just stayed there. That was a huge change. My following of Baniel to no longer supporting him was another huge change. There were so many changes.

Maybe that's what Zeesa meant when she said that perhaps Baniel was trying to balance my life out. I still don't think Baniel was trying to balance me out, but maybe what Zeesa was really noticing was change.

A change in me, perhaps.

When I first left home, all I thought about was my father - Gwanunig Aranel, an elf. And I do look like an elf, well most elves. I certainly don't look much like Stark, that's for sure. But I do look like most normal elves. I thought I could find him and fit in. I'd be more like them and everything would be well.

5 years later and what have I learned? Elves live in treetops in Farlenia and I learned to speak elven. Sure, both are helpful but they won't help me find him.

What is strange is how much I want to go home. To the Stronghold I mean. Why am I calling the Stronghold home? Why don't I want to find my father anywhere near as much as I did when I was younger? Something has changed.

I have changed.

Change.

Raul.

I think I get it now. I changed. I found a place where most people did not judge me because of my mother's mistakes. I had close friends and interests. I had people who seemed to genuinely care when I was upset. I had found a home. That's why I wanted to go back so much. I had changed and found a home.

Change.

Raul.

I get it now. Why it all felt strange. I just didn't realize what was happening and it didn't fit the mold of my expectations at the time. I just didn't see it or understand it then.

I get it now Raul.

It's time to go home. This time I do mean the Stronghold. Home.

While Eliora has stopped to rest for the night, she starts to rummage through her bag and, at the very bottom, comes across a journal that she had forgotton about long ago. When she opens it, she recognizes Orogom's handwriting and she begins to read ((OOG: look to the private messages [yes, plural] that were sent to you))